


Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott?

by wolfiefics



Category: DCU (Comics), Titans (Comics)
Genre: Gen, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 15:23:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17769329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfiefics/pseuds/wolfiefics
Summary: Roy, Dick and Wally volunteer for a cheesy western reenactment and become the real white hats.





	Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott?

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm old enough to remember hits by the Statler Brothers. For you younguns who have never heard of the Statler Brothers, you're missing out. I grew up on Sons of the Pioneers too! This is kind of a song fic, as evidence by the lyrics. I'm sure the lyrics are copyrighted so don't try to swipe them for your own budding music career.

_"Whatever happened to Randolph Scott_  
Ridin' the trail alone?  
Whatever happened to Gene and Tex  
and Roy and Rex the Durango Kid  
Oh whatever to Randolph Scott  
his horse as plain as could be  
whatever happened to Randolph Scott  
happened to the best of me."  
'Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott' by the Statler Bros.

"It'll be fun!"

"You're nuts."

"Well, duh, I'm friends with you two. That's a given." Pause. "I promise, you'll have a blast."

"It's a gun, Roy."

Green eyes rolled to the heavens and back down to earth and a red haired head shook sadly. The voice took on a wheedling tone. "Please?"

Blue eyes met another set of blue eyes as their owners capitulated. "Only if you promise not to whine anymore."

"That's a yes! Woo-hoo! You two will not regret this." Footsteps ran down the corridor and faded away.

"He's going to kill you, you know, when he sees you," Wally West informed his friend, Dick Grayson. "Maybe 'kill' is too strong a word...maim?"

Dick sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I know but if you can think of another way out of this, I'm open to suggestions."

Wally pursed his lips. "No." Wally's own blue eyes began to twinkle mischeivously. "I bet I can draw faster than you, pardner," the Flash drawled in an alarmingly accurate Texas twang.

Dick shot his best friend a dry look. "Imagine that," he mumbled.

**

"Remember," Roy whispered ferverently. "We're supposed to 'kidnap' the governor. He's in on it. Just don't rough him up too much."

"How about not at all?" snapped Dick. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Kidnapping a governor. Even mock-kidnapping a governor."

Roy Harper, Dick and Wally were standing on a Western set street scene, complete with tumbleweed bouncing around in the light spring breeze that made Dick feel like he was in a bad spaghetti western. A barbershop quartet was currently entertaining the crowd of entertainment seekers over by the general store.

The three mock bandits were dressed in cowboy boots, boot cut jeans and rough cotton shirts. Roy had on some ridiculous sombero and placed black Stetsons on his two friends' heads earlier. Hanging around their waists were belts and holsters with Hollywood prop six shooters complete with blanks. Roy had been grilling them into the gunfight routine for the past week and both Wally and Dick swore that they were going to shoot Roy with real bullets if he fussed one more time.

"Okay, once the quartet stops singing we bust in, popping off the guns and hollering, just like in the..." The stacatto sound of rapid gunfire that was distinctly NOT late 19th century weaponry interrupted the archer and three heads peeked around the corner of the building.

A small group of gangbangers decided to liven up the show a little early, it seemed. They jostled the crowd, shoving the men and getting handsy with the women. When several policemen in charge of security attempted to break up the rabble-rousing, the gangbangers quickly became violent, pulling guns and firing randomly into the crowd.

"Well, damn it!" snarled Dick and he darted back down the alley. Climbing up a prop ladder to the roof top, he skulked as low to the roof as he could get, trying to manuever himself into a good angle to drop down.

"Wally!" hissed Dick, as his speedster friend zipped up next to him. "Disarm them."

"Right!" Wally vanished in a blur, leaving Dick alone on the rooftop.

Roy in the meantime, knowing that Wally would be disarming, decided that if the gangbangers were unconscious, they'd be a lot less trouble. His reputation to rarely miss was legendary and now Roy put the skill to good use. He picked up several fist-sized chunks of concrete debris from set construction and waited until several of the gang were close enough to be perfect targets.

Wally disarmed the roughs and the gang stared blankly at their empty hands, which only seconds before were filled with pistols and knives. It was the opportunity Dick and Roy needed. As Dick dropped down on two and dispatched them easily enough with solid punches, Roy tossed his rocks, hitting two in the back of the head, effectively knocking them out. One stone bounced off the forehead of the last, who turned to see what was going on behind him. Wally picked up the downed foes and sped them safely to incarceration in the make-shift, yet surprisingly accurate and sturdy, prop jail.

The crowd broke into applause, thinking it was all staged. Dick spared a glance at the governor, who was looking a bit shaken, but otherwise okay. The festival director hurried up to the three of them to alternately thank and berate the heroes for their foolhardiness.

"You could have been injured, but we thank you for your assistance otherwise!" He looked sheepish a moment. "I guess this blows your cover of being kidnappers and gunfighters."

Roy merely grinned. "Nah, I always thought being the bad guy was a rough gig anyway. This was more fun!"

"Yeah, you're a regular Tom Mix, Roy," drawled Wally snidely.

"Better than Lash LaRue," tacked on Dick with no little sarcasm.

"In true western spirit!" enthused the director and then he bustled away.

The governor approached them sometime later and also thanked them. "Just doing our job as citizens, sir," Dick told him formally.

"Yes, I know but still, I wish to thank you. Such spur of the moment, impromptu action saved many people from possible injury." The governor hesitated. "Just out of curiousity, did that whole scene remind you of an old Roy Rogers movie?"

Roy sniggered while Dick frowned repressively at the red haired archer. Wally merely smiled. "Nah," he corrected. "It seemed more like one of those old Randolph Scott movies."

The governor agreed with a grin and left, but not before they heard him singing softly to himself:

_"Whatever happened to Johnny MacBrown and Allen Rocky Lane?_  
Whatever happened to Lash LaRue  
I'd love to see them again?  
Whatever happened to Smiley Burnett, Tim Hope and Gene Autry?  
Whatever happened to all of these  
has happened to the best of me  
Whatever happened to Randolph Scott  
has happened to the industry." 


End file.
